Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Power of a Picture

I'm sure many of you have seen these particular pictures before.  I don't know what I would do without them......

On September 13th, 2006 I got the kids off to school.  Timmy had been suffering from the sniffles so I called his pediatrican and made an appointment for him to be seen that morning.  Timmy Had been sleeping in because of his cold so I had to wake my little guy up.

I dressed him in his new duck sweater that perfectly matched the new leather Robeez that had ducks on them as well.  My Mom and I had recently purchased them on a busy, Timmy style shopping spree where he insisted on steering his own stroller everywhere and at one point stood in the display window while we laughed.  Timmy liked ducks almost as much as he liked saying the word.  He would put a sharp emphasis on the "k" sound.  "DuCK"!  The sweater was white and when matched with his soft, wispy blond hair and big blue eyes he looked like a darling little doll.  

My heart felt so full as I got him through his morning routine of attempting to eat Cheerios with a spoon as he chatted about "Boo Boo, Tyler, Talia".  He would hold his hands out, palms facing up to indicate their absence.  Normally, he was awake when they were preparing for school and we would walk them to their bus stops so he could wave goodbye.

The staff at the pediatrician's office gave him lots of attention.  They seem to really enjoy Timmy and would at times come out into the reception area when they heard he was there.  I joked about our frequent visits stating, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."  I felt so fortunate to have such an amazing little boy I just wanted to be sure we were giving him everything he needed in life.

Timmy's doctor confirmed he had bronchitis and gave me a prescription after listening to his heart and lungs as he sat trustingly in my lap and pointed at the basketball poster that hung on the wall.  The doctor laughed and joked that he should run a study on Timmy so other people could produce a child like him.  Timmy was very bright, social and athletic.  If only he could get his weight back up and swallow food rather than spit it out.  It was always those issues that caused me to frequent the walls of that office.  How does a baby go from the 95th percentile in weight down to the 5th in a matter of months?  Why did the red ring around Timmy's ankle never go away and where were the circles under his eyes coming from?  These were the questions I asked.

Timmy and I left the doctor and on the way home he threw up due to the congestion he was experiencing so I turned around and took him back to the doctor.  During that visit he received an injection and we were sent on our way.  

Once we got home I knew Timmy needed a nap but he looked so happy and playful in the blue jammies I had changed him into.   I couldn't help but get out my camera. I almost put it down thinking to myself that I could take pictures later but I fell a strange pull.  Timmy smiled as I snapped a few pictures.  Then, for the first time I turned the camera towards the two of us.  I had taken thousands of pictures since Timmy's birth but never had I taken one of the two of us while holding my camera.  

I put my face close against Timmy's soft cheek.  I could feel his little chest moving in and out under my touch.  The flash went off and I showed Timmy the screen so he could admire the image.  He said, "Mama, bebe, more".......and so I did. 

 Those pictures were to be the best I had even taken.  I remember calling my mom and telling her how I got these beautiful shots of Timmy playing peek-a-boo.  I loved how my mom sounded when she replied, "Oh, he loves peek-a-boo!"  I can still here her saying those words now.  I knew she was remembering her last visit when she played peek-a-boo with Timmy while he laughed with pure joy and excitement.  Yes, she was going to adore receiving those pictures!           

It was the next day that we lost our beautiful boy.  When the regrets and doubts fill my mind I have those images to remind me of his soft cheek, playful eyes and little hand holding on to my arm as I captured our special afternoon together.    

1 comment:

Susan said...

Oh, Tiff... I have tears and smiles all over my face right at this very moment. What a beautiful little boy Timmy is. I am so glad that you have so many wonderful memories and pictures of him. No regrets..only pure love!
love you