Friday, January 9, 2009

Below is a story that Tyler wrote in August of 2005 at age ten. Tyler's love and devotion to Timmy continues to surprise and touch me.

He was born April 18.

I remember when she told me because it was the night before Halloween.
It was the night before Halloween when my mom told the kids-my brother Anthony, my sister Natalia and me that she was going to have a baby.

I was really excited when I found out I was going to have a baby brother or sister. It was hard to wait; I wanted to be born right away.
We talked about the baby a lot during dinner and other times when my family was together. We talked about what we’d name it if it was a boy or a girl. My mom liked the name Timothy. We all guessed how much it would weigh and how long it would be. We talked about where the kids would go when my mom and dad were at the hospital.

Got home from school and she was having labor pains so my dad took us all to the hospital. Watched TV in the hospital room where Timmy was born. We felt excited that the baby was finally going to be born and we were hoping that he’d be a healthy baby when he came out.
My mom was screaming really loud but she kept saying, “Don’t worry, Kids, I’m fine!”

One hour later Timmy was born.
He was the only one of us who broke his own water. The Doc had to break the water on all the rest of us.
We were going to do a thing where one of us would hold Tim first , one would cut the umbilical cord, and one would choose his middle name. The doc cut the cord, my mom thought of a middle name first, but I got to hold the baby first.

The second he came out I got to start videotaping my mom smiling and laughing and crying all at the same time.
I gave my dad the video camera so I could hold Timmy. I was the first person to hold Timmy besides my mom.
The doctor poured some water over his head and cleaned him.

My cousins and some friends came right after Timmy was born. At one point we had 17 people crammed into a room, or 18 if you count Timmy!

Tim, Mom, and Dad stayed at the hospital for two days.
The first night I stayed with my neighbors across the street and the second night I stayed with a friend.
My mom and dad let me come to the hospital every day instead of going to school because I really wanted to be with Timmy.
Every morning my Dad picked me up and I got to stay there all day. I got to hold Timmy and watch the few times he opened his eyes. This was a happy moment for me and my mom and dad.

I even remember how much he weighed and how long he was.

One of my most special memories is my brother Timmy being born.

Below is a copy of the paper Tyler wrote in his language arts class in November. I wish could could understand just how much love he gave Timmy.....

Good Night Can Make All the Difference

Has something ever happened to you that you regretted for the rest of your life? Some regrets are big, such as doing drugs or going to prison while others can be seemingly small. It was one of those seemingly small regrets that happened to me. I forgot to say goodnight.
I had a baby brother who was 16 months old. He was adorable, he would laugh, talk, and walk. Two years ago he suddenly died with no warning. This devastated my whole family. Later the doctors were able to tell us that he had died from a giant tumor in his heart. Eventually our family came to accept that he was gone although we were all still incredibly sad. Everyone was able to feel better because they could all say they spent the whole time at the end with him; everyone except me.
Every Tuesday night we liked to sit down and watch “Dancing with the Stars” together as a family. One night I decided that I did not want to watch that show, that I would rather go watch a cartoon downstairs by myself. Afterwards I was so tired I went straight to bed.
The next morning started like any other normal day. My brother was still asleep as usual so I just got ready and went to school. Later that day I got called to the office and one of my parents’s good friends was there ready to take me home. I thought this was weird but went along with it. When I got home my mom and dad sat us down and told me and my brother and sister that our baby brother had died.
A week after, we were all sitting around the dinner table, silent, when my mom said, “We are all lucky that we were there for his last night.” Hearing this I realized that I was not there, that I was the only one who had not said goodnight. I realized that because of a selfish act to get away from the family and do my own things that I had not been there for the end.
To this day, two years later, I have not been able to place that one piece of the puzzle that lets you know you used and enjoyed the time you had with them because I was not their in the end to say the last goodnight. Now every night I make sure that if something bad was to happen to someone in the night, the last words I said or did not say would not be ones that I regretted for the rest of my life.
When you go to sleep tonight make sure that you say goodnight, or anything that will let you fill in the that last puzzle piece.


Sarah Andrich said...

Dear Tyler,

I just want to make sure that you know that every single person who ever saw Timmy when he was within eyesight of you knows how much he adored his biggest brother. It was so obvious that he knew how much he was loved by you. It was reflected in his eyes, his smile and his reaction to you whenever you were near. He was a lucky little boy because he didn't need constant reminders and goodnight kisses to prove your love. It was an unspoken bond and guarantee between you two. You were the very best big brother any little boy could ever hope for. Just ask Boo. You'll never know how much you have taught all of us adults by your sweet devotion to your family. Thank you so much for that. Please don't live your life with regrets. Just know that your little brother had the very best life anyone could ever have because he had you for a brother. Much love, Sarah

Tiffanie Quatraro said...

Dear Sarah,

Thank you so much for the reply. Reading what you said helped me a lot. I really hope Timmy thought of me the way you said he did, every time I think of him I remember his bright blond hair and blue eyes, and I am just happy that I got to be his older brother and be with him. He changed my life and I have a feeling a lot of other peoples. And I hope that my story or this blog can help make it so he can change more peoples lives for the better.

Tyler Quatraro

Felicia said...

Tyler, you are also an amazing writer. I was so drawn in by your words I actually could "see" you walking down those stairs! You have a real gift to express yourself, tell a story, and engage an audience-- a gift well beyond your years. I, too, know and saw the special connection you and Timmy had with each other and know that you'll keep that in your heart forever. I can't wait to see what incredible adventures your kind heart and impressive talents lead you to! ~Felicia

Tyler Quatraro said...

Thank you very much for the kind remarks. The comment you made about looking at a picture of him every night helps me a lot. It assures me that more people are thinking about Timmy every day and are missing him. His life will always carry on in the hearts of people who were close to him and as long as we never forget him and let him help us whenever he can he will always be alive.