This is the time of year I always feel very conflicted. Boo celebrates his birthday on April 17th, he will be eleven. The following day, the 18th, is the day Timmy would be five. It is very strange to have such an emotional divide regarding your children and a day that should purely be a time of celebration. The 18th only brings pain for me right now. On Monday I watched Turner meet Mickey Mouse and stare in awe at the beautiful Disneyland fireworks. I missed his brother and ached over the fact that he could not be there while in that same moment felt joy for the little boy standing before me.
Things have been quiet until this week. People get busy, people move on. I don't think I ever will, honestly I don't want to. Out of the blue I was sent the final illustrations of Timmy that will be featured in a book. They are beautiful and I am waiting to find out when I can share them here. Last night a new friend sent me a poem that I will post on Timmy's birthday that takes my breath away. Earlier this week an old friend from my childhood sent me a message about Timmy-I have not seen her in over twenty years but was so touched by the gesture. Last night another friend posted a link on Facebook because her son is trying to earn money for the American Heart Association-this came literally moments after I received the poem. All of these things happening in the same week make me feel hope that he's close by. A mother can dream.
I find myself deeply grateful to my friends who still have Timmy's pictures up in their home. Thank you.
1 comment:
Tiff- I was just thinking about Timmy's birthday this morning. Five is such a milestone. It truly doesn't seem possible as Timmy is perched forever in my heart as that bubbly and beautiful golden toddler. When I see Turner, though, I am reminded of the obvious passage of time.
Something you may not know is how special it is and how fitting that Timmy was born on the 18th. In Hebrew, the number 18 is called "chai" (sounds like 'high'). "Chai" means "life." It's a very, very important number representing living and is considered good luck in the Jewish faith. Timmy certainly enjoyed life and his memory continues to be a blessing of good fortune to us all.
Actually, I think you have moved on beautifully. But you have moved on with Timmy. You (and we) carry Timmy with us wherever we go... especially Disneyland...
Happy birthday, beautiful boy!
With all our love xoxo
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