It was the first week of school, September, 2006. We had just moved into our house and things were going very well for all of us. I put Timmy in the stroller and walked Boo and Talia to the bus. Timmy loved waving goodbye to the kids and seeing the bus. After he blew kisses we then proceeded to walk Tyler to his friend, Nicholas
Karimzadeh's house. Nicholas was always very sweet to Timmy and Timmy would chant his name, "
Nickless" as we approached the street where he lived. By the time we reached their home Timmy was so excited he could hardly contain himself. His little bare feet would kick and wiggle and his hands would wave madly with happiness and the anticipation of a very warm welcome as we entered our friends home. They never did disappoint, always stopping whatever they were doing to wash Timmy's cheeks with kisses. I loved sharing my little boy with them and I adored that we had friends that cared so much.
Timmy got to see Nicholas's kitty and was thrilled. We said goodbye to everyone so the boys could go to school and proceeded to walk back home. Timmy was talking away, "kitty, Boo Boo, Tahya, Tyer, Nickless". It was like he had to give me his own recount of the morning excitement. He was such a little sponge and it was a joy to listen to his voice and hear actual names and words depart those little lips. The sun was shining down on his blond hair and I remember thinking I must look like a fool with the gigantic grin I had pasted across my face. I couldn't help it, my heart was overflowing with this simple pure love and happiness.
I remember thinking, "I am so lucky. I get to listen to this amazing little boy for years to come and I have a countless amount of mornings to keep him all to myself as we walk home from bus stops and friends houses." It was if I lived my whole life to reach that very moment where everything felt right. I allowed myself to simply absorb that thought without tainting it with any what-ifs or unimportant details. Timmy was still talking happily under the warm sun as we walked along the blackberry bushes and down the windy trail that would eventually lead to our home. I looked down at Timmy and said, "Who loves Tim Tim?".........His sweet face looked up in anticipation and curiosity and I said, "Mama, Mama loves Tim Tim." I then repeated myself, Who loves Tim Tim?" This time he gazed up at me and answered, "Mama".
Yes.........Mama loves Tim Tim.
What I wouldn't give right now to play in the water with Timmy again. Sometimes the want of what should be is just too unbearable....
